I’m a Scissor Sister and So Are You.

For those of you who don’t know who the Scissor Sisters are, you will.  News that Scissor Sisters are opening up for Lady Gaga for the second leg of her US tour in 2011 has just been announced.  They are already hugely successful overseas.  They are Elton John meets The Bee Gees.  Lead singer Jake Shears’ very Eltonish voice is juxtaposed against a beat that is undeniably fun glammed up dance pop.  A lot of their songs are thumping dirty romps, but many others are subtly soulful.  They don’t take themselves too seriously.  They are sex on two scissor sticks wearing stilettos.  And they have come to party.

I would like to preface this story by saying that I attended this free Scissor Sisters show and CD signing at Amoeba Records by myself, which is something I never do.  I skip things if my friends are busy.  But today I ditched my fear of looking like some friendless loser, and I journeyed over to see the Scissor Sisters minus my entourage.  And it felt good!  I love my friends so much, but I was very happy bouncing around the store lost in my own thoughts.  I discovered I like hanging out with myself.  This is probably very narcissistic of me, but I’m choosing to think of it as a self empowering exercise in independence.

I brought the debut Scissor Sisters record to have signed, which I had purchased from eBay over six years ago while still living in Ohio.  While walking to the store, I glanced at the price sticker on the record, and I then realized that it was from Amoeba.  I had purchased this album off some random on eBay way before I had even dreamt of moving to California, and now I was taking the record back to its home to be signed by its creators.  This kind of cosmic trippiness happens to me more often than not, so I’ve learned to just take it as my destined path and move forward with the oomph of someone who knows what they are doing.  Most of you who know me are aware that I usually have no clue what I’m doing, so I’m happy to let the universe take the lead when it decides to intervene.

I asked one of the employees if I had to go outside and wait in line to see the show, or if I could stay inside and shop.  He said I could shop, so I spent the next two hours lazily browsing through the clearance CDs.  Then I just made certain that I was as close as possible to the stage once the time neared 6pm.  My plan worked and not only did I get five clearance CDs for $8.25 total, I now had a primo spot to watch my new millennium disco kings and queens.

As soon as they walked onto the stage, they were smiling and upbeat and super amped up.  They busted out new singles like “Any Which Way You Can” and “Whole New Way”.  They also gave us some old favorites like “Laura” and “Take Your Mama”.  Jake sang with purpose and vigor, while Ana swayed her hips with class and elegance.  It is apparent how much fun they are having up there as they share their unique sound with whoever wishes to dance along to it.  Ana prefaced one song by saying “This is a song written by a bunch of old white dudes”, and then they went into their acid trip version of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”.

Once the show was over, I waited to have my album signed by the Scissor crew.  I thought of some witty things I could say to them, none of which were all that clever, but I needed a plan or I would just stand there and drool.  Once I reached them, Jake looked so blindingly beautiful that I pretty much had to squint to look at him.  He looked up at me with the hugest smile which somehow simultaneously put me at ease while making me forget what I was going to say.  I smiled back and handed him my album and my pink marker.  The pink marker was a big hit. 

Then Ana looked to me.  Her perfectly coiffed scarlet hair and piercing eyes made me lose my train of thought once again.  But I managed to request that they perform “It Can’t Come Quickly Enough” during this Saturday’s show at the Palladium.  Ana asked if it was my favorite, and I gushed over how much I love it.  I then asked them if they are excited to tour with Lady Gaga, and they said they can’t wait.  I told them I just saw Gaga perform a few weeks ago and that I was so happy to hear they are touring with her.  Ana asked me how I liked the Gaga show, and I told her it was amazing.  We chatted and smiled some more and they handed back my pink marker.  I then moved down the line to Baby Daddy and Paddy Boom, who asked if I’d ever seen a live Scissor Sisters show before tonight.  I confessed I hadn’t but that I have always wanted to and that I loved it.  They then asked if I was attending this Saturday’s show.  I confirmed I was, and they said then I will really see them in all of their glory. 

This wasn’t all of their glory?  I was already on the edge of my mind in anticipation for the show, so now I’m not sure how I’ll survive the next few days.  The Scissor Sisters are bringing their Night Works Tour to the Palladium this Saturday Sept 11th.  I will be there with my eyes wide and my pupils dilated from overstimulation as I dance my troubles away, emersed in the glam utopia.

This video exquisitely displays the beauty of the Scissor Sisters:

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2 Responses to I’m a Scissor Sister and So Are You.

  1. OysterSunshine says:

    Once again, Julia Charvat has posted a highly entertaining review of a band whose concert must have been as entertaining as Julia’s comments. Thanks, Ms. Charvat, for making the members of Scissor Sisters appear more human and less unreachable rock stars.

  2. nas3988 says:

    My favorite part: “I discovered I like hanging out with myself. This is probably very narcissistic of me, but I’m choosing to think of it as a self empowering exercise in independence.”

    I love you.

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