This morning my instant messenger popped up, and it was my friend Mark notifying me of a huge traffic jam on the 101 and Sunset Blvd. This normally isn’t news since there is more often than not a mess of cars at that spot, but today the roadrage-inducing slowing of moving vehicles was caused by an Orange County based band called “Imperial Stars”. Apparently they rolled up in their huge tour bus, blocked off all but one lane, and began performing a song titled “Traffic Jam 101” on top of the bus.
If I was still working at my last job, I would have been trapped in this stagnant disaster, cursing the very existence of these musicians. But I have to admit this is a clever and somewhat hilarious stunt, like something out of an early 90’s Pauly Shore movie. There are already articles popping up on the LA Times page and other local websites, giving the band even more notoriety. The band has since been taken into custody.
Mark sent me the official music video for “Traffic Jam 101”, thus launching us into an insult tag team thread that I just had to share with my tens of readers.
Me: “They are like the unwanted baby of Fred Durst and Cypress Hill.”
Mark: “Its something a 12-year-old boy would masturbate to.”
Me: “…underneath his marijuana leaf tapestry.”
Mark: “…while he clings to the fact that he still loves Pokemon, but is too old to play it.”
I then located the band’s facebook page. The hilarity continued in the bio, with gems like, “The Imperial Stars are what they appear to be; ROCK STARS! Living on the edge they’re known for getting crazy and hanging out with their friends.” It drones on with a bunch of paragraphs that were obviously written by someone desperate to insert all of the big music words that they could find in their older brother’s crumpled up issue of Rolling Stone.
Mark: “I believe there is a decoder ring that you can buy to decipher the real message in the bio. Lemme get mine. Hold on…W-E A-R-E D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G-S. Damn, I thought it was going to be a message about Ovaltine.”
Here is a recording of the traffic jam that someone posted on facebook. Somehow this person must have climbed up into the dead brush on the side of the freeway to film this. There is barely any sound and you really can’t see much going on but a bunch of confused cars driving really slowly, which I somehow feel is probably an accurate depiction of the event.
According to the LA Times, the band’s website states they have pledged that some of the proceeds from sales of “Traffic Jam 101” will be donated to homeless children. So some good will come from this mess. Providing that anyone actually buys the track. Here is the official video for your listening pleasure/fodder for your own insult thread.
Only in L.A.