Excuse me world, but why is Justin Bieber on the cover of the February 2011 issue of Vanity Fair? And why oh why is he covered in kisses? Whoever gave him those kisses should probably be in jail for smooching on a fetus.
And is the statement on the cover true? Does he really have the most viewed YouTube video of all time? How could that even be possible? I obviously know who the kid is, but I would never be able to name one Bieber song, or even recognize one of his songs being played, and this is after I’ve seen him perform a few times on music award shows.
I understand that Vanity Fair isn’t a completely high brow publication, but it is supposed to be about fashion and politics, right? I’m pretty sure only 14-year-old “lesbians who look like Justin Bieber” (http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com) could take fashion advice from Bieber. And they probably aren’t the ones buying the magazine. And I may be wrong, but he doesn’t seem like someone who knows all that much about what is going on in the world. So I really can not grasp what he is doing on the cover of this magazine.
And that question they ask, “Is this the adorable, inescapable face of 2011?” Please Lord say it is not. I don’t find him to be adorable. His face just confuses me. I’m not against the androgyny look, in fact normally I like it. But in his case, I’m just reminded of a bratty skateboarder who won’t get out of your way when you’re trying to walk into the door at the mall. Then I ask myself, am I being too harsh? Does he have some sort of charm that I’m overlooking? Then the longer I look at him to find this glimmer of charm, I become creeped out because I realize I’m sort of checking out a teenager.
I fear this celebration of Justin Bieber on the cover of Vanity Fair is yet another sign of the pending zombie apocalypse. I shall do extra push-ups today to prepare my body for the survival fight.